For the past few weeks I have been stressed, freaking out and just over whelmed with school, work and in general life. On sunday however, I decided to turn over a positive new leaf, I have been determined to be excited for class, work and everything else that comes along. && I have to day that this new mantra has been helping me all week! I have been having fun relaxing days, I have been more organized and my occasional binge reading has felt like a luxury. Thank goodness for positive thought!
Then today I was on my way home from my classes && the freeway was closed causing me to make a very long and confusing detour. Now anyone who knows me well, or has ever had to endure a car ride with me, knows that I hate cars.
I hate driving, riding and traffic.
When I was in high school the breaks went out in my Suzuki Sidekick (Still arguably the best car I have ever had) and I slammed into the side of a mini van causing me to bounce to the curb. The accident totaled my car and gave me some pretty crazy purple and black spots. After this, I was timid in cars. Small things like traffic lights, and even when cars would get to close to me would freak me out. Often I don’t talk about or even explain my dislike for cars because most people don’t understand. I have often been told, it was only one accident, your fine get over it. Well i have to say, in a way this is true, however my mind doesn’t agree. To me cars are a constant source of stress causing me to have anxiety. There have been a few times, when being in a car has caused my vision to blur, my hands to shake and for me to have a panic attack. Somedays, the car does’t bother me at all, however that’s not always the case…
So, today while trying to figure out where the heck I was, I had a panic attack. I had to pull over and cry, while i shook and tried to control my breathing. Sometimes things just don’t work out for me in the car. I often tell myself that talking about my anxiety will cause people to think I’m odd, strange or just plain weird. This might be true, however I also think that there might be someone out there reading this who might have to deal with something similar. && I know that on the rare occasion I stumble upon a blog post or video that talks about anxiety it makes me feel better.
Now, I still have lots of problems controlling my anxiety. Things like cars, large crowds and often strangely enough walmart will cause me to panic. So I don’t know if I’m the best person to give advice on how one should go about trying to relax. As many of my friends and family know I often am a tight little ball of stress, however I think that talking about can help. So if any of you reading this find this helpful…or even relatable, shoot me a message, I would love to chat. I’m slowly learning that sometimes it’s okay to admit your afraid of certain things, or that crowds make you nervous. No one is perfect, I’m sure as heck not, and thats okay. Dealing with anxiety is only something I do…it’s not who I am….
well until next time…